My Boys Need Me Now More Than Ever

I'm heading into that time in every Dad's life where it is getting serious.  My oldest is 10 and my youngest boy is 8.  It's hitting me pretty hard. They need me.  They need me badly. I'm hearing a loud voice screaming inside of me saying "They need me now more than ever."  I'm overwhelmed.  About being the dad my boys really need, I feel a mixture of excitement (this is what I've looked forward to since the day I learned I was having a boy) and fear (I'm not equipped to do this at all...let alone do it right).  Here's an article I recently was pointed to from CNN.com... "The Myth About Boys". 

So, this blog post is really just me expressing my fear and excitement about being that Dad that I hoped I would be when I saw and held my son for the first time.  Thanks for letting me ramble a bit. 

Here we go, boys.  I'm doing my best.  I'm going to say "I'm sorry" a lot because I will mess things up from time to time.  Know that I love you anyway. We're going to have a lot of fun, experiences and adventure together over the next 8-10 years, okay?!!

Here's something I plan to attend in 2010 with Alex, my oldest.  AbbasWay Retreat.

Being a Good Leader

by Glenn McClure

Many men (including myself) in our community have been disillusioned
by poor masculine leadership…many of us are desiring to be better and
more loving leaders…found this in Proverbs this morning…qualities that
make a good Christian leader…Eugene Peterson notes that “transforming
leadership is the kind where the first one transformed is the leader.”

Proverbs 16:10

A good leader motivates, doesn’t mislead, doesn’t exploit.

If you notice, the values that we are learning (embodying) in our
community are helping us become better leaders. We should motivate
others and not mislead or exploit them. Can you imagine this type of
leadership in the workplace? Can you imagine a boss (or being the kind
of boss) who motivates with truth and honesty and desires your (
employee’s) ultimate good? What ripple effect would that have on
companies and careers?

What about at home? The best way I know to motivate my wife is to
serve her. She especially loves acts of service. She loves when I help
clean up the house, do the dishes or make sure the kids are bathed and
put to bed. When I serve my wife this way she lights up like a star.
When she gets “Mommy time” and is able to enjoy solitude and recharge
her batteries-she comes home not feeling mislead and exploited but
cherished.

With my brothers-it is the practice of continued honesty, taking my
turn on the mat, bringing current sin to confession-this keeps me from
misleading or exploiting my friends.

As a father, apologizing to my son and daughters when I sin against
them, deposits in them a gift that Dad is leading and loving with
authenticity and not rhetoric. Bottom line: leading with honest
weakness and current struggle will ensure that I am not exploiting and
misleading the people around me.

Dedication Video for our Daughter

The song was written specifically for our girl, Anthem, and recorded by my wife as a demo. It's called "You Could Only Come From Heaven".

First Wave

My little girl made her first actual attempt at a wave today.  Anthem is 5 and 1/2 months old.  She was in her Mommy's arms and she looked over at me and smiled/laughed really big like she always does.  Then, she lifted her arm and twisted her wrist back and forth to wave at me.  I wanted to see if it was an accident, so I looked at her again, smiled and waved.  She smiled and did the same waving motion again.  It was so cute.  I did it a third time, this time with her older brother, Kaden's help.  Sure enough, she smiled and waved again.  There you go, another one of Anthem's firsts.  Another Anthem milestone.

Anthem's Milestones

Anthem turned 5 months old a couple of weeks ago.  Krissy and I don't plan on having another child - unless a real miracle occurs - and I do mean miracle!  So, we're a bit sentimental about our last child.  We will never again experience our own child's firsts.  Another way of looking at it is that we feel so blessed to be able to go through this experience again that we are appreciating so much more this time around.  We're having so much fun with her.  I rarely find myself complaining or whining about things. 

So that they are recorded forever, I'm planning a new series of our baby's milestones in the next few blogs - complete with video and pictures (if all goes well). 

FIRST SMILE

Anthem smiled early and smiles often - very often.  All I have to do is look at her and she smiles, sometimes she even laughs out loud.  She also loves the boys - she laughs at them all the time.  When she sees Mom she smiles and laughs too, but she mostly says "Mmmmmm".  It's so cute.  Here's a picture of when I knew that she laughed on purpose, not just because she had gas :).  She was about 2 weeks old.  This picture was taken in early April.  That's her Amo's hand next to her.

My Two Sons and Football

Kaden, the little rocket.



Alex, Super Bear.

Summer Update

I haven't written since before July 4th.   Where has the time gone?  Let's see...

We spent July 4th weekend with the Bryan's at their house.  We lit up firecrackers that night, which we bought at the Triune Mall Flea Market.  Not sure why the flea market part of that sentence was so important, but oh well. 

Then, from there, I flew to Denver for a short trip to ICRS (the International Christian Retail Show).  It's my annual convention for the Christian retail trade industry.  I met with many friends and accounts.  It's always a worthwhile time on many levels. 

We took our house off the market shortly thereafter as it was not selling.  We had 20 showings and no offers in 90 days.  All of us were tired of keeping the house clean constantly - especially with a newborn in our home.  We decided to take the rest of the summer to sell off the remaining items we brought back into our garage from storage.  I've read two books on eBay, Amazon.com, Half.com and Craigslist.  I feel very edu-ma-cated on the subject and beginning to work on online selling and marketing of my "stuff".  I'm currently reading a book on selling my house For Sale By Owner.  That's what we plan to do once we've sold all of our stuff. 

We've been looking at several homes in several different neighborhoods.  We like new homes in the Stags Leap (off Arno Road), Kings Chapel (off 96 in Arrington) and Autumn Ridge (in Spring Hill) subdivisions.  We also like the idea of staying in our school district and keeping things stable for the boys.  However, we have only found homes that need a lot of work in Fieldstone Farms and Cottonwood.  These places are comfortable for us, but we're not excited about all of the work it's going to take to get them to where we need them.  In the meantime, we are making the best of things in our current house.  I have a lot of home improvement projects to do around the house.  We feel it may be best to take care of those anyway before we put the house back on the market. 

My parents have picked a condo in Tollgate, closed on the home on July 28th and have just moved into the new home this weekend.  Furniture has arrived and they are settling in.  It's a beautiful 3-bedroom condo on the top floor overlooking the rolling hills of Franklin, TN.  They are just in the outskirts of Franklin in Thompson's Station.  It's a perfect location right next to the I-840 junction and an easy 10 minute drive to their future golf course community - Laurel Cove (planned to be finished next year) built by Greg Norman.

We had a fun time with Mr. Jim Harrison (from church) who took the boys and I fishing on Gentry Farm.  Check out the pic to the right.  The boys caught over 10 fish each - mostly Blue Gill.  Alex and Mr. Jim caught a catfish each.

We had church camp this past weekend.  We had such a great time.  We were at Tims Ford Lake State Park.  We stayed in cabins in the park.  During the day, we'd spend most of our time in a private cabin owned by one of the members of our church.  The theme of our camp was "Soar".  Isaiah 40:31 was our scripture theme. 

      But those who wait on the LORD
      Shall renew their strength;
      They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
      They shall run and not be weary,
      They shall walk and not faint. 

We had a wonderful time of worship, singing and teaching in the mornings.  Our afternoons were spent boating, tubing, riding Sea Doos, fishing, talking, playing golf and eating - lots of good eating.  We had a talent show one night.  We had some great laughs and great fun. Check out an iMix on iTunes of some of the music we sang at camp.

Yesterday, we went to Target, bought the boys some back to school clothes, rolling book bags and supplies.  School starts Thursday and I think we're all ready to get back into our school routine. 
We also visited with Amo & Apo at their place.  The boys had fun helping Apo put together the new TV stand in "their room".  I took a nap!  Then, we went over to Kings Chapel and spent time some good friends at their new pool.  That was nice, but we were tired in the end.  Krissy went to bed at 8pm.  I put the boys and Anthem down by 9pm.  And, I've finally had time to breathe. 

We have a lot to do the rest of the summer.  My work is ever changing.  I'm developing several offshoots to Go Global Entertainment - namely a direct to church division and direct to consumer division.  These will be my focus in the years to come in addition to the existing International licensing and distribution business.  I'm in the middle of changing my distribution systems and plan to move out of my existing warehouse this month. 

I'm back on P90X after a short break due to a small surgery I had two weeks ago.  I'm ready to get back at it.  I'm off now to go do Stretch X. 

More updates shortly...at least now you're caught up.

The 'sir and ma'am' Debate

We'd like our boys (and daughter...eventually) to show respect to adults they interact with in their lives.  My two boys are 7 and 9.  It's been about two years now that I've been bothered by the fact that they don't look other adults in the eye or speak respectfully to them when they are spoken to.  But, when I tell them to show respect, I tell them to definitely look people in the eye, but from there, I haven't made up my mind whether they should address adults as sir or ma'am, Mr. and Mrs., Miss or Mrs., Mr. (firstname) or Mrs. (last name).  

I grew up that it was respectful to call people by their last name.  For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Keneally", for instance.  I think that stems from my German roots.  In Germany, I've observed they call each other by last name in business settings.  They don't say "Herr" or "Frau" much anymore, from what I can tell, they just call each other "Nordhoff", for example.  

But, here in the south (I live in Tennessee), most kids address adults as "sir" or "ma'am".  We've tried the southern way and sometimes it feels awkward. They boys don't always do it and they don't want to look adults in the eye.  Shoot, I can't even get them to hug correctly.  When, they go to hug their "Amo" or "Apo", they go into the hug and turn around backwards...that's a new one to me. I feel very southern, which is not natural to me, to teach them the "sir" or "ma'am" route.  I guess if the military teaches its privates to show respect to those higher in rank, it can't be all that bad.

So, I'm not quite sure my intent with this blog post other than to share (with my little world or readers...which is very VERY small) my thoughts and challenges of teaching my kids to show respect to other adults.  I haven't made a clear decision on this, and that's half my problem. My kids are going to be so confused about this issue unless I decide on something soon.

The Word of God is the ultimate authority for our family.  I don't know why I don't turn to God sooner...well, I do know why...I'm self-centered by nature...aren't we all?  Regardless, here's what it says about children respecting adults:

"Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord." - Leviticus 19:32

The Ten Commandments teach that we honor our parents.

Romans 12:10 exhorts us to treat one another with brotherly love "in honor preferring one another". Philippians 2:3 encourage us to "esteem each other better" than ourselves. I Peter 2:17 states, "Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king." I Peter 5:5 exhorts the elders in the church to feed the flock and be an example to them, but not be lords over God's heritage. The younger are to be submit themselves to the elder.

So, to me, I interpret that we do have a responsibility to raise our children to show respect to adults and even as they become adults, to show respect to their elders.  

So, help me God, as I struggle and find my way to do this.

Here are a couple of articles on the subject that I've read...or at least, skimmed...

http://www.connectionparenting.com/parenting_articles/respect.html

http://www.fix.net/~rprewett/respect.html

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2449176193&topic=6250

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/AskPastorJohn/ByTopic/40/3244_Why_does_having_disobedient_children_unfit_a_man_for_church_leadership/

http://www.teach-nology.com/tutorials/teaching/respect/

Happy Mother's Day

We had a beautiful Mother's Day.  It was a wonderful day at church.  I did a skit involving 2 Jamaicans (if you want further explanation, please leave a comment).  Then, we ate at Stoveworks in the Factory.  They had a yummy buffet.   After that, Krissy took a nap and now we're off to Crockett Park to watch a free concert by the Nashville Symphony.  

We took some great pictures of Krissy and our girl.   I'm so glad Krissy got her girl.

Happy Mother's Day!

My Sedona!

Goodbye Oldsmobile, Hello Kia.  I never thought I'd ever buy a Kia.  However, after test driving this car, we fell in love with it.   So, introducing the new Nordhoff family car - a 2007 Kia Sedona - only 7000 miles! 

Dreams For My Daughter

It's the middle of the early morning - 3:30am.  The power is out and I'm listening to my 18 day old daughter breathe while she sleeps.  There are no other noises in my house to distract me because the power is out.  I can't see her face because there is no light and storms are approaching so it's covering the full moon that's supposed to be out tonight.  All I can hear is her breathing.  I become aware of the beautiful sound of a newborn's sounds: an occasional coo, a little stir, a slight snort from some small object in her nose or nasal passage and the quiet consistency of her breath.  Life couldn't be more simple than this.  

As I listen to her breathe, she calms my own breathing, brings me to peace and I become thankful for the simple things of life.  This moment, holding my little girl, I become aware of the dreams I have for my daughter.  As I close my eyes and hear her breathe, I begin to think on all of the things we're going to experience together.  I get a new start at being a dad. I hear from my friends that being a dad to a girl is totally different than fathering sons.  So, I'm interested to see the differences.  For sure, I'll post my experiences in this blog of fathering a daughter.  

What does God have planned for this little one?  I can only live in the now and experience it day by day, one moment at a time.  Some days, I will only hold her for a few minutes.  Other days, I may hold her and play with her for hours.  

I dream of being present in my daughter's life.  I want to just be there - active and engaged and interested in her life.  I dream of the moments when my daughter is 3 or 4 and telling her she is beautiful as she is doing her hair or after she's gotten dressed.  I want to tell her she is beautiful all the time.  I want her to know she is loved and that she has such high worth in my life.  

A friend told me yesterday that Mom's give value to their children and Dad's give identity to them.  (That's an interesting blog post alone and maybe I'll write about that sometime)  I'm asking God now what identity will I give my daughter.  I pray I will make choices that will help her have an identity that is healthy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Spiritually, her identity is in Christ and that she sees a small picture of her heavenly Father in me, her earthly one.  I hope she will rest easy in who God made her.  I see her having tremendous potential and giftings and talents.  I see her being talented and gifted musically.  Her hands and fingers are unusually long compared to most newborns I've seen.  Maybe God made her to play piano and pursue music?  We'll see, but I want to encourage her in the desires of her heart and in the calling in her spirit.  I want to help her identify it and pursue it.  It's my job to help her as she grows in her journey of faith - to help her identify who she is, who God made her to be and what vocation she should choose.  

At the same time, it's not my job to pressure her to perfection.  It should not be a burden on her.  It should be easy and light - just as Christ's burden is light and His yoke is easy.  She is loved as she is and in what she eventually chooses.  I can't make her do something she's not ready to do or doesn't want to do.  I'm not going to push her, if anything, I'm going to lead her.  I'm going to lovingly serve her and lead her in the direction we both know she is to go.  

It will be an interesting ride.  Rather than plan out her entire life, I think I'll just enjoy the moment for now.  I will get caught up in her breathing.  I will be thankful for her right now.  I will be present with her now.  I will focus on making a connection with her.  I think I see her smiling at me and recognizing me and beginning to know me.  

I can't help but think that's really what my heavenly Father wants from me - to be known.  He wants me to draw closer to Him.  As I do, I will do the same with my little Anthem.  That's about all I need to for now.  I can handle that.

Pacifiers, Mylicon, TV Remotes and Nose Suckers

I'm trying not to fall down the stairs lately...I have a special package in my hand - my 2 week old baby girl, Anthem.  It's 3am and it's time for Daddy to take over.  

Mommy has just finished nursing and Anthem is still awake and fussing.  So, I, being the hero, gallantly take her in my arms, try not to stumble down the steps and quietly make my way across the creaking hardwood floor onto my usual spot: the leather couch.  There 
waiting for me, are my tools for the overnight: a pacifier, Mylicon (or generic gas relief) drops, my TV remote and my nose sucker.  All of this will get me through any problem I might have and keep me sane in the process.  

I watch a mix of Fox News, Golf Channel (The Masters is coming up!), ESPN, CNN or any of the local channels to see what's up in the world. 

A few switching of the sides of my arm or up on my shoulder, a few pacifier attempts, a couple of suctions of the nose, a rare diaper full of yellow stuff changing (thankfully) and maybe a mylicon drop or two and Anthem is asleep.

Usually, at around 4am, Anthem is finally in a deep sleep and I place her down somewhere comfortable.  Then, since I'm now wide awake, 
it's time to check emails, write a blog entry, do some admin work or get done whatever needs to get done in my business.  

I'm actually starting to like this early morning routine.  If I can get to sleep by 9:30pm, I get almost 6 hours sleep.  A little nap later in the day and I'm good to go.  

I wouldn't change this opportunity for the world.  I love my little girl.

He's Always Been Faithful

A video of our baby girl's birth.  Krissy sings a Sara Groves song, "He's Always Been Faithful".

My Girl

I had been dreaming of holding my girl since July 2008 and this weekend I finally did.  Here's a quick recap of how I got here.

On the first day of Spring, March 20 at 7:30am, Krissy and I arrived at Vanderbilt University Hospital Labor & Delivery.  We checked in and settled into our birthing room (Room 4010 - 4th Floor North Tower).  By 9:30, we had met our nurses and our Mid-wife and Krissy's IV was started.  It was determined to start the pitocin IV treatment around 10am.  

Krissy's parents arrived shortly after the treatment started.  Our boys, my mom and Amy Stewart (our close friend and wife of our church pastor, Brett) arrived just after noon.  We waited...and waited...and waited.  After several checks, we knew the baby was not going to come quickly.  
After 8 hours of induced labor, Krissy's cervix was only dilated to 4 cm and 40% effaced.  Our dream of having our baby girl on the first day of spring was quickly vanishing.

We (all of us not in labor) made the best of things as we waited.  We had a good time together as family and friends - spent time in the Cafeteria and outside and together in the room with Krissy together.   We had wonderful nurses - particularly Jessica and Mary who were a great help when things were getting difficult for Krissy.

When Krissy's labor became more difficult late that afternoon, she was ready for her epidural.  After the epidural was put in, it still took 30-45 minutes until her pain was relieved.  

At 9:30pm, Krissy still was only 5cm dilated and 80% effaced.  We decided it was best that Amy took the boys to her house to sleep overnight and my Mom and Krissy's parents and I stayed with Krissy as she continued to contract with Anthem.   Amy told a funny story later when she returned about how Alex and Kaden didn't feel comfortable sleeping in their underwear in someone else's house.  
They kept their jeans on the whole night.  Plus, they were staying at their friends house where there were two little girls - so that didn't help the comfort factor for them.  They later told me they had a great morning the next day - ate pancakes with the Stewarts and played Wii.

We were hoping Dr. Spetalnick could break Krissy's water, but Anthem was still sitting too high above the pelvis for a safe water break.  If the water breaks when the baby is too high in the womb, there is a greater risk of the umbilical cord choking the baby.  

At 12 midnight, Amy and Jill Perry came to join us at the hospital.  
We spent some time talking together in the waiting room, but beginning to get very tired.  They were such an encouragement to us though.  We're grateful they were able to be there for the birth process!!

Krissy was only 6 cm dilated, 80% effaced and began to feel very uncomfortable during her contractions.  It was determined that the epidural medicine was only getting into her right side.  She was laying on her side because of her high-blood pressure.  So, they turned her to her left side, but the pain was terrible for her.  They put additional medicine in her epidural.  The hours between 12:30 and 2am were the most difficult for Krissy.  She was having really difficult labor pains during her contractions.  I was there with her, by her side coaching her through it.  Little by little, the labor became easier and she fell asleep even while she was having very large contractions every 90 seconds or so.

At almost 2am the Dr. broke her water and we waited.  All of the rest of us: My mom, Grandma, Papa, Amy, Jill and I found places to sit or lay as we waited.  It was just quiet in the room as we waited for the next check of Krissy's cervix.  

Finally, at 3:30am, we were ready.  The nurses sent everyone except the moms and me out of the room.  The next 30 minutes were a blur or preparing, comforting and anxiously waiting for the pushing to begin.  

At 3:50, Krissy was in position and pushed once.  We could see the beginnings of the head and my heart began to beat faster.  I was wide awake holding Krissy's right leg, while the nurse held the other. 

On the second push, we could see Anthem's black hair and head clearly.  On the third push, Anthem came out.  It was a perfect birth.  4:04am.  No problems whatsoever.  Our Dr. and nurses were wonderful.  Anthem cried immediately and lay on Krissy's chest for about 2 minutes.  It was wonderful.  Anthem didn't cry much and just seemed to love laying next to her Mommy for the first time.

I'll spare you the details from here.  I can say that it was all very wonderful and a joy to be there with Krissy, Anthem and my mothers during those minutes.  We watched as they cleaned, tested and weighed Anthem (6 lbs 3oz). She was a very good baby - we have it all on video.  Once she was clean, she was wrapped in blankets and lay with her mommy.  She nursed very well the first time.  We took lots of pictures and let the rest of the visitors come in to see and take pictures with Anthem.  I bet Anthem felt like a celebrity with all of the flashes.  

I later accompanied her to the nursery where they gave her her first bath.  I got some good quality time with her there.  They also measured her: 18 3/4 inches.  Pretty petite - all of our children were small.

The rest of that day, we spent looking at and holding our baby girl.  The boys came later that morning with Amo and Krissy's parents to meet Anthem for the first time.  They are already so good with her.  We had a couple of visitors.  We were very tired and asked the remaining friends that had planned to visit to possibly come on Sunday.  After our family left, Krissy and I gave Anthem to the Nursery and slept on and off for a total of 11 hours until 9am the next morning.  Of course, Anthem had been nursing every 2-4 hours with Krissy.  

So here I was holding my sweet, beautiful Anthem.  I'm looking forward to raising a daughter.  What a privilege it is to have a girl. I thank God for her and for trusting me to raise her.  I hope I please Him in the process.  With His help and grace, I know I'll do it.  

More Anthem stories to come...

We Have A Date

Krissy was at the hospital today.  We received the good news that she will be induced into labor on Friday, March 20th, if she doesn't go into labor before then.  It's good to have a date / goal we can plan toward.  We can't wait to meet Anthem! Alex and I felt her toes yesterday.

Never Be The Same

Our family stopped our busyness for a few hours, sat down and watched “Invincible” last night together.  The movie is an inspiring football story.  It gave us one more time to cuddle up with our boys and watch a “guy flick” together.  It particularly special because things are about the change soon in the Nordhoff household. 


These times have been sweet counting down the days until our new baby, Anthem, arrives. I feel particularly emotional about these last few days together as a foursome with the boys.  Our family dynamic will never be the same when the baby comes.  It will good change and one that we've been looking forward to for a long time.  But, for now, the time we have with just the two boys is very special.  I've been finding myself appreciating every precious moment I have with them.  



I remember clearly the last few days Krissy and I shared together before Alex was born.  We were so eager for Alex to come, but we also knew it would never be the same again. And so, I'm glad we took the time to appreciate the last precious days together as just the two of us.  The same can be said the last days before Kaden’s arrival.  The time we had with Alex alone was precious too.  We could never imagine how competitive Alex would be when his little brother would compete with him for attention.  :)


Krissy went to the hospital on Friday with high blood pressure.  With her being 35 weeks pregnant, we know the baby can come any day now.  So, with this emergency, we realize more than ever that the time is near when our family dynamic will change once again... forever.  

I’ve been noticing myself becoming very sentimental about the moments we have together with Alex and Kaden.  What I realized most is that I’m enjoying the moments with the boys more – looking for teachable moments or moments just to hug ‘em.  

I know I’m going to change when Anthem arrives...and it will be good.  For now, I just want to hold onto these precious moments as the four of us, for as long as possible.  It's been this way for 7 wonderful years.  We're now about to enter a new stage of our family's life. 

Living day by day and appreciating every moment together has it's benefits.  It is nice living this way.  It would be nice to live this way every day, but we don't always.  So, I'm glad I am.  I love you, my family of four.  Thank you for making my life full of joy and giving me a greater purpose for living.  Thankfulness - it's a good place to be.

Dear Mommy and Daddy...

We received this card from Kaden on Valentine's Day. Notice, Krissy's pregnant belly. Notice the picture of us, the heart and the world meaning we're the best parents in the world. 

We love you Kaden.  

A Brotherly Moment

Alex and Kaden were (and still are) playing Wii together - Mario Kart, to be exact.  

Alex, after a few bad races, was getting down on himself and cried out "I'm the worst player ever in history!!!!"

Kaden's sincere and encouraging response to that was, "Alex, I thought you believed in yourself?"  LOL :)

I guess the things I say are staying in their brains somehow. 

Anthem's Room

Well, I hope she likes pink, because that's what she's getting.  Pink and Butterflies.  We just updated the room with some lettering (inspired by our good friends, The Bryans).  She's due March 30 and we'll probably have her 
early.  Only 6-8 more weeks and we'll bring our little girl home!  Can't wait.  She's kicking like crazy already.